When it comes to keeping a marriage happy, sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut. According to top marriage counselors below are some very detrimental phrases you should nix from your marriage vernacular. Help avoid fights and possibly worse, a future divorce by not using these sentences.
Detrimental Phrases to a Marriage
Never say this in front of others: “I hate when you do that.” Putting your spouse down in front of friends or family should be off limits. Not only does it make everyone around you uncomfortable, more importantly, it also erodes trust. You are gathering others against your spouse, and that will cause resentment in the marriage. Also, what happens when you are getting along again, and you’ve basically tried to gather an army against your spouse? Uncomfortable. Avoid this phrase, “Just go to bed without me.” Popular marriage counselor Wahlgast shared, “Going to bed without one another is a habit that can be damaging to your relationship.” Bedtime is a good time to strengthen your relationship, and not just physically. It is an intimate time when you spend time talking or recapping your day. Constantly having separate bedtimes can enable behaviors that might destroy intimacy. Never tell your spouse, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” There is nothing more annoying than having someone tell you how you should feel. Feelings are feelings; there is no right or wrong to them. Instead of dismissing a spouse with a blanket statement like, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” you should try to delve deeper and understand how or why your partner is feeling that way. “You’re a horrible husband, wife, father, mother,“ – Whatever you fill in the blank with is never good for a relationship. Insults based on someone’s occupational role or family role cut particularly deep and are particularly cruel. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist, based in Miami Beach, Florida and one-time Oprah regular shared, “Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating.These roles are so important and tender. When they’re questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like these.” “You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there.” The dishes could stand for anything. Accusatory terms always end the same way…with a fight. According to Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland, “Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she’s never on time or he’s always selfish can’t be right. These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage.” If you’ve had enough with these and other detrimental phrases and are thinking of a divorce, call us today for an appointment with Michael Puhl, a Board Certified family law attorney and mediator.